Tuesday, August 09, 2005

The scariest animal I've ever come across

I was listening to Rudy and JJ on Hitz.Fm talking about this huge rats caught in Kota Bharu(not so sure of the place) market, and Rudy asked listeners to call in to tell them the scariest animal he/she had ever come across. I was thinking of calling but I was on my way to work. So at the end, I think I shall just share it over here.

The SCARIEST animal I've ever come across is my first gf's mom, if you can catagorise her as an animal. Now, before you jump to conclusion about me bad-mouthing an ex's mom, hear me out, k?

Why do I say she's scary? Here are a few things to consider:

1) According to my eldest brother, she's the fiercest person in the church we were attending back then. The warning was, "Never, EVER, step on her tail..." If she's not an animal, why does she have a tail then?

2) She's also scary because of one particular trait -she's a cleanliness MONSTER. Back then I used to hound visit my ex at her home on a regular basis, and mostly I would find her :

  • grooming the garden- sometimes I'd help her to move the plants from one corner to another. That's actually quite okay, still...
  • cleaning the house. "So what's scary about cleaning the house?" You may ask. Well, she's perpetually wiping the floor and the tables. I didn't use the word "MOP" because that's exactly what she did - WIPING the floor WITH A PIECE ON CLOTH, ON HER KNEES! She reminded me of Cinderella being ill-treated by the stepsisters, though she looked more like a man-eater, her well-trimmed sharp eyebrows and phoenix eyes backed by make-up, like she could eat you up hardly look like a princess. Man, she's way over my OCD brother in this department.

3) One last fine example of how scary she is: my ex's dad(yeah, the husband) was rarely home. Most of the time, he would only come back late at night, week or weekend. He talked affectionately to all his 3 daughters(probably not his fault that there's no other jantan in the house- she's so fierce even the sperm count went low!) but not the wife- looked like one who didn't want to be around his wife. Where did he go most of the time? Besides watching his fav animals running(horses lah!), I think he was doing whatever he could to stay out of the house. Maybe he had a mistress or something, that I do not know. Even when he came back at night- here's the ultimate proof who scary it is to be with her- he slept in the living room while she slept in the bedroom! What kind of a woman would make her man sleep in the living room?

I wonder if the poor fella is still doing that...